Monday, August 31, 2009

Ways to KEEP and UNDERSTAND a Good Man

So I wrote this back on March 2008, but since this is a new blog site for me, I chose to repost this. ENJOY!!

First, understand how he operates…if he gets mad and shuts down and needs space, understand that. DO NOT condemn him for it. Let him do him, he hasn’t forgotten about you. Know that when a man asks you for space and/or time, he is not necessarily asking for a breakup. Its just what he said:

When a man is going thru, the very last thing you should do is turn everything in his situation around to focus on you and what he didn’t do for you. If he is having a bad day, don’t trip if he doesn’t feel like talking. If he is a genuine good man, no matter how many times he contacts you, you are still his woman. The focus can’t always be on you. All the time he spends making you feel special and feel like a queen, he needs to feel like a king. When he is not at his best, he can’t do that. Give him time to get back to optimal strength. Your man is still human.

A good man does not expect you to cater to his ego, but neither does he expect you to ignore it altogether. A man is still a man. If you want a dog or another pet, go to an animal shelter.

Your man is a good listener. He will listen to all your problems and concerns. But when it is time for you to listen,
stop talking. Don’t be so closed minded your man can’t get his point across. That is how you get him to shut down, because it becomes pointless talking to you.

And if your man is not talking or spilling the contents of his mind, give him time. Don’t think that jus because he is with you, he will automatically give you his heart. Love takes time. Infatuation takes a moment. Lust takes a glance. Remember that and think about which one you REALLY have right now.

When your man does engage you in conversation, it is very annoying for you to shut down when he is trying to open up. That is the quickest way to get him to stop trying to talk to you. He is concerned, but know that with a man, "It’s whatever", "do you", or "It’s all good. I aint even gonna trip" WON’T fly. A man can’t know how you feel if you don’t tell him. Care that a man cares about you.

Also, if this is your first good man, ask him why he is with you ONCE. Saying things like "I don’t see how you put up with me", and things of that nature on a constant basis are annoying, and will make us second guess why we are with you. If you want a man that will yell and scream and raise his hand to you and call you a bitch, slut, or a ho please see someone else. If that’s not what you want, don’t look for it in us. And quit expecting us to do the same things that previous men did. That more you expect it, the more you will look for it. The more you look for it, the more the littlest thing we do or don’t do becomes what you "expect" to happen. Don’t put us on a pedestal, but don’t make us a footstool either.

NEVER assume that you and a man are on the same page. Good men are still men. We still need things explained to us. Don’t think we automatically see things the way you do. Sit us down, talk to us. Tell us where you are, or where you think we should be. The fastest way to a broken heart/disappointment is to set us up on a pedestal that we know nothing about. Communication is key.

With that said, if you are mad at a man…tell
HIM. Your friends are not in your relationship; don’t expect them to control your man. If you want your man to do something, or see something your way, TELL HIM. Running to your friends and spilling your guts behind your man’s back doesn’t give him automatic knowledge of how you feel. The same thing you say to your friends…say to your man. Mind reading only works in the comics.

Once again, know your man. If he doesn’t like to talk on the phone, DO NOT blow up his phone. He will miss you if give him a chance. Not saying not to call him, but don’t nag him. Every second of the day is not yours. The man does have a life to live. He also needs alone time or time with his boys. Do things in moderation.

Being confrontational is immature. Cussing him out, talking about his family, or swinging on him is the quickest way to cause anger or get us to look at you negatively; especially when you are doing these things out of the blue for seemingly NO REASON. This goes back to communication. Tell your man what is up so there is no surprise violence.

Also know that unless you have a ring, a marriage license, and his last name, you are NOT the most important woman in his life. You are not his proverbial 1. Know that you are his girlfriend and you are closer to him and more intimate with him than anyone else. But also know that he has friends/family that have been there before you, and will be there after you, jus like in your life. There are people you will put before him in certain moments, don’t get mad if he does the same. If you can’t respect a man’s inner circle, you can’t respect him. And know that if you want to get rid of the double standard, the things you do, he is also entitled to do.

Lastly, never go into a relationship thinking that you can change a man or his mannerisms. The man’s personality is one of the things that attracted you. If there are things you can’t stand, talk to us. If it’s irreconcilable, thanks for your time. Relationships are about compromise, not metamorphosis.

Know that you have to go thru some bad ones to appreciate the good ones. But also know when you have a good one. Don’t fool yourself.


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